It really began last night. Out of nowhere, I just felt a surge of memories pouring in. Memories I had inadvertently forgotten (or so it seemed) until that very moment. I was caught off guard, and it broke my heart. Only a few minutes into the surge of memories, Justin approached me in the kitchen, and I began to shared my thoughts with him. I wonder did he know it was coming? Because I truly didn't have a clue. I reminded him about what we were doing exactly one year ago while standing in the same spot (the kitchen) so he could really feel where my heart was. That's when I stopped. I felt a nudging in my heart to be quiet. Filled with feelings that no words are big enough to describe is a perfect reason to cease the conversation. Looking at the clock, I realized it was bedtime for Bay, whew! I offered to read her bedtime stories tonight, no problem! They kindly drove my mind away from the darkness...
After everyone was settled into their own beds, I was reminded of a lovely friend who was forced to say her final "goodbye" to her grandmother just the day before. I couldn't get on my knees fast enough to pray for God to comfort her and their family and give them a certain peace that passes understanding. As I was praying, another friend popped into my mind, she had lost her little sister to a motor vehicle accident only days before that. I began to ask (beg) God to comfort and bless her family too. Then a beloved sister in Christ dealing with strongholds came to mind, and more prayer requests kept coming to my mind and coming, I could go on and on, you get the point though. My pain is real, and it hurts, but God reminded me of all the things going on right around me today and this week, He opened my heart to see that these are life's issues that every single human being will deal with. I chose to take control over my thoughts and to remember the positive things rather than the heartaches. God provided ME with a certain peace that passes all understanding during that very long prayer session. When I was all out of words to pray, my sore knees crawled up into my sleeping spot and I slept. Totally forgetting that the next day would mark one whole year living without Pappy and the 33rd year of my so called life...
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."
Negative thoughts can steal our joy but ONLY if we allow them to.
Wow... My heart aches for yours, as well a those you were praying for, even though I may not know them. Its during these heartaching times that the only thing to do is get down on your knees and pray for peace, understanding, and comfort. I know that I will be praying for each of you today. Just as you said, negative thoughts can steal our joy, but only if we let it. I've never lost a close loved one, but I hope you are able to find joy in memories, in knowing that those lost are no longer in pain, but most importantly, that they are with God now, which has to be the greatest one of all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment Kristin! It's a good feeling just knowing someone is hearing my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you:) <3
Reading this reminded me of some scripture:
ReplyDeleteIsaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Being satisfied never happened until I began to give of myself to others. It was an obligation earlier in life, but as you draw nearer to God it becomes a "side-effect". It just starts to become how you are. We can't help but be about people when we are truly seeking and dependent on God. His unconditional love changes our perception of the world around us and the people in it still needing him. We unknowingly take on God's heart and eyes. When we start to see people as God sees them, we begin to cry out for them within our spirts and in turn God begins to fill us. We become an over-pouring resevoir - always giving, always receiving. We have our needs met when we meet others' needs. Amen God bless you
Powerful and so very true! Thank you so much:) it was a pleasure reading your thoughts and what a perfect scripture you found! God bless you!!!
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